Comedians around the world have formed a group called, “Seriously geeks? Your April Fools jokes are unbelievably lame!” Though the acronym “SGYAFJAUL” is a bit long and difficult to pronounce, the comedians intended to make their point in the most ludicrous way possible with the formation of this worldwide organization.

“Though sometimes elaborate and painstakingly crafted, 99% of the April Fools jokes on tech/geek sites and blogs are simply not funny. Even my grandma wouldn’t crack a smile, and she’ll even let out a chuckle when my toddler farts,” explained internationally renowned comedian and SGYAFJAUL spokesman, Dward Farquard.

Dward Farquard

From Google’s “Gmail Tap” spoof (one that clearly cost some dough to produce the associated video) to Techcrunch’s “Google’s Sergey Brin To Retire: “I’m Really Into Blues Guitar” (one of several unfunny posts at Techcrunch on this April Fools day) the geeks are making Farquard’s point.

“Year after year I hope for some post that would cause the corners of my mouth—anyone’s mouth—to turn upwards just a tiny bit with amusement,” said Farquard with some disgust, “But not ONE comedian I know has even cracked a smile with April Fools jokes online in years.”

Farquard continued, “My comedian bretheren and I, when we connected on a global Google Hangout last week for SGYAFJAUL, were all shuddering at the thought of yet another April Fools day and lame attempts at humor. Our only consolation? That we certainly will NEVER be out of a job and thank God every one of us in SGYAFJAUL is far funnier while sleeping than geeks are awake.”

Asked what he’d be doing on a Sunday April Fools day instead of catching up with all the latest tech news, Farquard looked at this reporter with a “Doh!” look and said, “Grandma’s coming over and we’ll listen to my toddler farting.“

The lowest-of-the-low-hanging-fruit in energy savings is replacing the horrifically wasteful incandescent light bulbs in this nation. Unfortunately our Republican congressional participants see the incandescent light bulb as somehow “taking away choice” from consumers. 

Really? I know that joking about Republicans anti-science stance is fodder for comedians, but this is the simplest means we have to radically reduce energy consumption in our nation so why are they pushing-back on this initiative? It is a lot harder to fund nuclear plants, changeover our electrical grid to a “smart” one, and shift away from liquid fuels to U.S. abundant natural gas, so I just don’t get why the GOP insists on fighting the phasing out of incandescent bulbs the Republican president (GWBush) signed in to law.

What is the GOP’s agenda here? It can’t just be anti-energy. Nor does it make sense that this is all about being anti-global warming. Or it couldn’t just be about continuing to burn fossil fuels at all costs, including war and Imperialism, can it? Lord knows it’s not about helping out the 99% with their household budgets.

Perhaps this is pre-election, political theater and the GOP knows it. According to many reports, like this one from ABCNews, “Congress Defunds Ban on Incandescent Light Bulbs but Doesn’t Quite Save Them“:

“But what many Republicans are celebrating as a win for individuals’ light-bulb-choosing freedom will probably not save the energy-guzzling bulbs from disappearing off store shelves.

“The industry has moved on,” said Larry Lauck, a spokesman for the American Lighting Association.

Lauck said U.S. light bulb manufacturers have already “retooled” their production lines to build more efficient bulbs, he said.”

Ms. Political Theater herself, Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann, has famously harped on it by saying, ““The American people want less government intrusion into their lives, not more, and that includes staying out of their personal light bulb choices.”  Bachmann, who, as a member of the House, introduced a bill to roll back the incandescent ban. Of course, she did so without acknowledgement of her anti-stance on a woman’s right to choose something a lot more important than an energy wasting light bulb.

The U.S. Dept of Energy clearly spells out the energy savings if we get off incandescent bulbs. It’s such a no-brainer that even the political theater aspect can’t be all there is to an “official” Republican effort to stop it.

Or maybe they’re just old and want to go back to the past.

My family and I spent the last 10 days primarily in Germany. We’d each brought our iPhones, my wife and I our iPads, and my daughter her Macbook Air. Besides the fact that our service Boingo Bombed, what was most bothersome was how German hotels, coffee shops, rail stations and the airport are laughingly behind other countries with wireless internet access and everyone charges for access.

Services like Boingo, that aggregate hotspots, are often forced to charge an $0.18/minute “roaming” fee for services. In the same way the European Union was supposed to make doing business in Europe easier and more like the seamless commerce within the United States, we’ve seen how that has failed in today’s economy and wireless internet access is too.

If you live in Germany and have a wireless provider like Orange or Deutsche Telekom’s T-Mobile, you can pay them a fee and have both mobile wireless and Wifi (or what Europeans call “WLAN”) access. If you’re a traveler, you’re out of luck. It was unbelievably difficult to find wireless access anywhere we went unless we were prepared to be nickel-n-dimed to death paying their stupid little fees.

It’s no wonder that we saw an amazingly small number of either iPhone or Android smartphone users while on the road. People in train stations, the airport, within hotels, and on the street, people there used mobile internet devices far less than what I’ve seen anywhere within North America (or Japan, for that matter).

When I was in Germany with my Dad in 1997 I built this website on the fly with a Powerbook, acoustic coupler and modem, an Apple Quicktake camera and a copy of Adobe Pagemill (web software). Deutsche Telekom placed a “pulse” signal on the phone lines of hotels and in phone booths in order to manage the toll charges on the call. While bothersome with voice calls, it was horrendous with a data connection since, each time the pulse occurred (about every 20 seconds), the modem would have to re-handshake and it would interrupt the data stream. God it was frustrating!

It’s just about as frustrating today trying to find access while traveling in Germany. Yes, it’s better than it was in 1997 but even within hotels it’s not much better. The only hotel where we could log on regardless of our device (an iPhone, iPad or laptop) was at the Marriott Berlin. The Marriott property in Munich was a joke (cable in room only so no wireless devices could be used).

My wife is in Germany 3-4 times per year and only uses the internet at her hotel. I’ve researched, called people in Germany, talked to various providers, and all tell me the same story: She either needs to buy a SIM card and switch out her iPhone card (fat chance) or get an account on a German mobile network (Huh? Who the hell would signup for a mobile subscription when in the country a few times per year?). 

Of course, roaming on mobile networks outside the U.S. is not an option and horror stories abound of people who have had $1,000s to pay upon their return from an international trip. Our U.S. carrier, AT&T, has international plans but they offer download amounts one would go over in an hour of solid use. They’re a joke too but it’s because of the inflexibility of mobile providers in Europe.

As the world continues to accelerate toward one where the masses have wireless devices and expect to gain access wherever they go, Germany better get their act together and quit protecting their telecom companies and open it up. 

Either Republicans are stupid and incapable of strategic thinking (unlikely), doing anything to ensure consumers continue to waste energy to fill the coffers of energy companies (more likely), or are trying anything they can think of to get something passed they can hang their hat on in the next election (most likely). Amazingly, they just snuck in an amendment to the 2012 Energy and Water Appropriations Act (HR 2354) to extend the ban on 100W incandescent light bulbs…and it passed!

The amendment was delivered by legislator (and climate denier) Rep. Michael Burgess (R-Texas) who has said previously, “The federal government has no right to tell me or any other citizen what type of light bulb to use at home. It is our right to choose.” Could this mean he’s pro-choice? 

Then we have presidential hopeful Rep. Michele Bachmann and her Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act trying to ”keep the government out of our houses.” Again, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that these two and their party would waste their time saving energy wasting light bulbs (especially since our country is so close to defaulting on our debt). 

For the last five years (see this post from 2006 and this one about Bachmann) I’ve been closely watching what’s going on in energy and, especially, the ONE, MOST WASTEFUL energy use WORLDWIDE: incandescent light bulbs. The US Department of Energy, the European Union energy ministers, and anyone with half-a-brain can do the 2nd grade arithmetic necessary to easily see the energy wasting nature of this lighting source.

Take a look at this chart:  [Read more...]

What the hell are you doing Google? Why are you opening up holes filled with God-knows-what-access-to-us in a browser (the rapidly growing Chrome) which more and more of us are embracing?

While delighted with GooglePlus in a way I’ve never been with Facebook, I’m stunned that Google’s Chrome Web Store is populated with extensions that give an extension developer unbelievable and unprecedented access to our stuff.

Since we don’t yet have a “condom for the internet” other than our own savvy choices on what we do online, most of us inherently trust vendors like Google, Apple, Facebook and others to be smarter than us about security and privacy holes. With the rapid acceleration in new services like GooglePlus—services that are new paradigms and require highly tech-savvy people to dig in and work hard to learn about them—even friends of mine who use Chrome are installing browser extensions like crazy in order to manage all of these services easily.

The kicker? The “verified authors” of these extensions (Extended Sharing; Fixed Top Bar; GPlus Notifications) are written by people/organizations that on the surface seem OK and legitimate…but I sure as hell wouldn’t just hand over the keys to my house, access to my webcam, my browsing history, access to cookie sessions of my active Facebook, LinkedIn and other signed-in-sites (like Schwab or my bank?) to them. Especially since I’m logged in to all of them simultaneously with my Chrome browser and they (or their “partners”) would have access to everything! I highly suggest you think twice about loading extensions if you’re a Chrome user.

But there’s more… [Read more...]