Comedy writing on Amazon.com

Been thinking about getting a Segway. So last night I was online looking at Amazon.com’s listing of Segway’s and scrolled down to read the user reviews. Unbeknownst to me there’s a comedian among the reviewers!

A guy named, Smith T. Aames “s.t.a.” had written this in his Segway review, “When I hit 300 pounds, I knew something had to be done. When I walked from one end of the street to the other, my thighs rubbed painfully together, chafing my tender skin. Then I heard about the Segway. I knew as soon as I saw this incredible invention that my worries were over. I bought a Segway immediately, and for the most part, I am really pleased.” You’ve got to read it for yourself.

Then I clicked on, “See all my reviews” and saw that this guy had 13 pages filled with dozens of reviews for all kinds of products! (…and many a bit risque). Another hilarious example is his “review” of the Donald Trump doll:

The Donald is not The Doll for me, January 25, 2005

I bought this doll because I like Donald Trump. He’s a fine specimen of man. I wanted the doll so that I could satisfy some of my more primal urges for The Donald. However:

-The Donald Doll does not smell manly like Donald. It smells chemical like plastic.

-The Donald Doll is not anatomically correct. Its pants don’t even come off.

-The Donald Doll does not have real hair. Its hair doesn’t even move.

I still love Donald, but I will probably let my dog, Mexican Hairless McGee, bury the doll in the yard with the Scary Spice doll I bought last year.

If I had known stuff like this was being done on Amazon…I’d have read a lot more of these reviews. If stuff like this happens often (and I don’t know if it does), the rest of Jeff Bezos’ hair is sure to fall out…if he doesn’t pull it out himself.

Last but not least is one other I thought amusing:

DOG SWEATER WITH TWINKLING, LED FLASHING LIGHT!!
Offered by Parti Poodle Pet Supplies

Animal population control?, April 11, 2005
Tired of having a dog? Buy it this sweater, and it will off itself in just minutes following the howling laughter of all who see it.